Why Networking Feels So Hard (And What Nobody Tells You About It)

Let Me Tell You About the First Networking Event I Ever Attended

I got dressed. I drove there. I walked through the door. I registered. 

And then I went to the ladies, reapplied my lipstick, and left.

I didn’t go back into that room. I just … went home.

Nobody had told me how it worked. Nobody had explained what you were supposed to do or say, how you introduced yourself, where you stood, who you talked to first. And in the absence of that information, my mind filled the gap with something much worse than the truth.

Nobody here will be interested in what you have to say. Nobody will want to hear about your business. You don’t belong in this room.

I believed it. Completely. And so I left.

What I didn’t know then, and what took me years to really understand, is that the voice telling me to walk out wasn’t the truth about me. It was just a story. One I’d been carrying for so long it had started to feel like a fact.

That moment, humbling as it was, became the seed of everything Athena is built on. Because I knew, standing in that car park after reapplying lipstick I didn’t need, that I could not be the only woman who had ever felt that way.

And I was right.

The Story You’re Telling Yourself Before You Even Walk In

We all carry a story about who we are. Most of us have been carrying it for so long we don’t even notice it’s there anymore. It just feels like “how things are.”

Things like:

• I’m not naturally outgoing.

• I’m not the most interesting person in the room.

• I need to prove my value before people will take me seriously.

• I’m not good at selling myself.

These aren’t facts. They’re conclusions, usually formed a long time ago, in very different circumstances, by a much younger version of you who was trying to make sense of the world.

But here’s what those stories do: they run the show.

Without you even realising it, they shape how you walk into a room, how you introduce yourself, how you listen, how you follow up, and what you believe is possible from a single conversation.

When that story is running the networking, networking is exhausting.

Because you’re not actually there to connect, you’re there to prove something. Or protect something. Or compensate for something you secretly believe is lacking.

That’s hard work.

No wonder people find it draining.

The Moment Everything Shifts

Think about a conversation you’ve had, maybe at an event, maybe just over coffee, where you completely forgot to perform.

Where you got genuinely curious about the other person.
Where you said something off-script and it landed perfectly.
Where you walked away feeling energised rather than depleted.

We’ve all had those moments.

And here’s what’s interesting: in those moments, you weren’t thinking about yourself at all.

You weren’t monitoring how you were coming across or calculating what this person could do for your business.

You were just present. Interested. Real.

That’s not luck or chemistry.

That’s what happens when you stop networking from the story about yourself and start networking from the part of you that is genuinely curious, genuinely interested, and genuinely engaged.

And here is the premise I want to put to you today:

That part of you is not rare or occasional. It’s actually who you are.

The performance is what’s layered on top.
The anxiety is what happens when the story takes over.

Your natural state, underneath all of that, is connection.

You were designed for it.

Two Completely Different Ways to Walk Into a Room

Picture two people arriving at the same networking event.

Person A arrives with a mental checklist.
They need leads. They need to be seen. They’re quietly anxious about whether this will be worth their time, are there enough people at the event, whether they’ll say the right things, whether they’ll be memorable enough. Every conversation is subtly being auditioned. They leave tired.

Person B arrives with nothing to prove.
They’re genuinely curious about the people they’ll meet. They listen more than they talk. They ask real questions, not strategic ones. They share what they actually care about, not what sounds impressive. They leave energised, with two or three conversations that felt like something real happened.

The difference between those two people isn’t confidence.
It isn’t social skill.
It isn’t even experience.

It’s what they believe about themselves before they walk in.

Person A is networking from their story, from the part of them that’s trying to compensate, impress, or prove.

Person B has, consciously or not, set that story aside.

They’re showing up as themselves.

People feel the difference.

Always.

So What Do You Actually Do With This?

Here’s the practical part and it’s simpler than you might expect.

Before your next networking conversation, take thirty seconds and ask yourself one honest question:

“What do I actually want from this conversation?”

Not strategically. Not in terms of leads or opportunities.

Really ask:
What would make this conversation feel worthwhile to me?
What am I genuinely curious about?
What would I love to find out?

When you’re clear on what actually matters to you, something relaxes.

You stop performing and start participating.

The conversation has a direction that comes from you, not from anxiety about how it’s going.

That is the beginning of networking that actually works.

Not because you’ve optimised your approach, but because you’ve shown up as someone real.

And real is magnetic.

The Truth About Networking Nobody Says Out Loud

The best networkers aren’t the loudest people in the room.

They’re not the most polished.
They’re not the ones with the most impressive bio.

They’re the ones who make other people feel genuinely seen.

And the reason they can do that is simple:

They’re not caught up in their own story.

They’re free to actually pay attention to the person in front of them.

That freedom isn’t a skill you learn.

It’s what happens when you stop mistaking the story about yourself for who you actually are.

I know that woman in the car park, lipstick freshly applied, too scared to go back in.

I was her.

And I also know that the instinct that drove her to create a room where no woman would ever feel that way again?

That was the real her all along.

The connections you’re looking for are already possible.

The version of you that walks in curious, warm, and real she already exists.

She just needs the space to show up.

My Invitation

Before your next networking conversation, notice the story that starts running.

Don’t fight it just notice it.

Name it if you can:

“There’s the part of me that thinks nobody will be interested.”

Then set it aside.

And walk in as yourself instead.

You might be surprised at what happens next.